Dating Someone Who Smokes Weed When You Don't Actually Smoke

Written by Lorien Strydom

October 20th, 2025

You've just learned your partner smokes weed. Or you're three dates in and they casually mention a Friday habit.

Or you're living together, and the daily ritual is making you question everything.

Your first thought: Can this actually work?

The short answer is yes—but only if you both understand what matters.

And here's the twist: it has almost nothing to do with cannabis itself.

Table of Contents

• Is This Relationship Viable?

• The Three Factors That Actually Determine Compatibility

• Setting Boundaries Without Being Controlling

• When Smell and Space Become the Real Problem

• What Bothers You Beyond the Smoke

• Red Flags vs. Workable Compromises

• Special Boundaries for Recovery and Triggers

• Making Mixed Relationships Work

• Your Questions Answered

Is This Relationship Viable?

Across relationship advice forums, Reddit threads, and couples therapy, the pattern is clear.

Relationships between cannabis users and non-users succeed or fail based on three measurable factors: how often your partner uses, how present they are when you're together, and whether they're honest about their habits.

Not morality. Not how much they use. Not whether you think cannabis is good or bad.

The Three Compatibility Factors

Frequency: How often does your partner use? Occasional, a few times weekly, or daily?

Presence: How much sober time do you actually spend together? Are couple activities protected?

Honesty: Do they disclose their habits openly, or do you discover things later?

Couples thrive when they land on agreed territory within these three. Early daters can quickly assess: "Is this a preference mismatch or a dealbreaker?" Live-in partners can pinpoint exactly what's wearing them out.

People who discovered hidden use can separate the trust breach from the substance itself.

Here's what matters: If your partner smokes occasionally, stays fully present during your time together, and tells you the truth about their habits, most non-users report the relationship works fine.

If they're high most of the time you're together, or you regularly find out they lied about when or how much they use, it breaks down—and the substance becomes the scapegoat when the real issue is respect and presence.

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The Three Factors That Actually Determine Compatibility

Frequency: How Often They Use

Frequency is where most couples get stuck. "How much is too much?" feels like a health question but it's actually a lifestyle question.

Occasional use (weekends, social events, rare weekday evenings) works for most non-users.

Daily or near-daily use? That's where couples report tension, because daily habits reshape couple time and individual presence.

The key insight from couples who make mixed relationships work: it's not the amount smoked, it's what gets sacrificed.

If daily use pushes other activities aside, steals focus during shared plans, or means your partner is never fully sober during time together, that's a lifestyle mismatch worth naming directly.

Presence: Sober Time Together

This is the non-negotiable.

You and your partner need intentional sober time together where both of you are mentally present.

When this disappears—when your partner is high every evening, or weekends become all about their cannabis routine—non-users consistently report feeling isolated, lonely, and resentful.

Not because cannabis is bad, but because they're missing their partner.

Couples who make it work protect this deliberately.

Two sober date nights weekly. Weekday mornings before they use. Sunday brunches.

Whatever rhythm keeps you connected when both of you are present.

Honesty: Transparency About Habits

Hiding use is the dealbreaker more than the use itself.

Across relationship advice, the most common fracture point is discovery—finding evidence they were not truthful about their habits.

Lying about frequency ("I barely use") only to discover they're using daily.

Hiding spending ("It's just a little"). Getting defensive when asked.

These actions breach trust in ways the cannabis itself never could.

Baseline honesty means: disclosing frequency, being upfront about spending, admitting changes in habits, and answering directly when asked.

If your partner does this, most non-users can work with even higher usage frequency.

If they don't, the relationship fractures regardless of how much they actually use.

Setting Boundaries Without Being Controlling

Here's the hidden fear that stops most non-users from speaking up: If I ask for changes, am I being controlling?

The answer is no. Stating your needs and preferences is boundary-setting.

Insisting your partner change who they are is controlling. Proposing specific agreements you both consent to is a healthy conversation. Demanding total compliance is manipulation.

Boundaries work when both people respect them. Watch for that respect in your partner's response.

Practical Boundary Categories

Sober time together: Two designated sober evenings weekly. No cannabis before date nights or couple activities. Protected morning time before use happens.

Timing and space: Outdoor-only use, not in shared living spaces. Use after you've fallen asleep on weeknights. Sealed storage that contains odor and keeps products organized.

Financial transparency: Agreed spending cap for cannabis. Personal budget for use, separate from joint finances if you're living together or sharing resources.

Honesty baseline: Direct answers about frequency and changes in habits. No discovered paraphernalia or inconsistent stories. Openness if you ask questions.

What does respectful cooperation look like? Your partner agrees to boundaries without defensiveness.

They follow through consistently over weeks, not just days. When they slip, they acknowledge it and recommit.

They prioritize the agreement because they respect your comfort.

What does resistance look like? Endless negotiation ("Can't I just do it on Mondays?").

Empty promises ("I'll cut back" with zero change). Dismissiveness ("You're being unreasonable"). Resentment about the boundary itself.

A partner who respects your preferences might not love every boundary, but they'll honor them. That's the distinction between compromise and capitulation.

When Smell and Space Become the Real Problem

For many non-users, the actual friction point isn't the cannabis use itself—it's the practical fallout: smell, discretion, and shared space.

Cannabis odor lingers in clothes, furniture, curtains, and hair.

For non-users living with smokers, this becomes an identity question ("Does everyone think I smoke too?").

For people with professional or family concerns, smell is genuinely risky.

Practical Solutions That Actually Work

• Outdoor-only use: Balconies, backyards, or outdoor spaces eliminate indoor smell entirely. This single boundary solves the majority of odor complaints.

• Sealed storage: Airtight containers stop smell from spreading through the space. When stored properly, cannabis remains contained and organized.

• Ventilation: If indoor use happens, open windows and fans during and after create airflow. Fans point outward to push air outside, not just circulate it internally.

• Timing: Use after you've gone to bed means the smell has time to dissipate overnight and isn't present during morning hours.

Discreet consumption options: Gummies and edibles produce minimal smell compared to smoking.

Pre-rolls create smell but can be used outside and finished quickly. When traveling or in situations where discretion matters to both of you, these formats keep the experience private.

These aren't health strategies; they're comfort and consideration strategies.

Your partner may see them as inconvenient, or you may need to prioritize them as non-negotiable—either way, they're practical conversation points that don't require anyone to change their core habits.

What Bothers You Beyond the Smoke

Many non-users experience a vague sense that something's off with their partner's use, but they can't quite name it. That unease is usually worth investigating, because it often points to relationship compatibility patterns worth addressing directly.

Track These Patterns Over Two Weeks

Emotional distance when high: Do you feel like your partner is gone, even though they're physically present?

Many users report their partner "disappears into their own world" when smoking, leaving the non-user feeling isolated or boring.

Personality shifts: Some people are bubbly and social when high; others become withdrawn, paranoid, or irritable.

If your partner's personality notably changes in ways that feel disconnected from you, that's a compatibility signal worth naming.

Plans get displaced: Were you planning a weekend hike that keeps getting cancelled because they'd rather stay in and smoke? Has date night become "I'll be present once I use"?

That's not about the cannabis—it's about whether your needs for shared activities rank equally with theirs.

Reduced sober quality time: The most common complaint: "We never just hang out anymore without them being high."

If couple time has become almost entirely mediated through their cannabis use, that's a presence issue masquerading as a weed issue.

Here's the reframe: These aren't character flaws. They're compatibility data points. You might discover that the issue isn't the cannabis—it's that your partner isn't as available as you need them to be.

Or you might find that yes, they're high often, but the two of you still protect quality time and connection. Either way, naming what you're actually noticing lets you make an informed decision instead of just feeling unsettled.

Red Flags vs. Workable Compromises

When big decisions loom—moving in together, commitment, exclusivity—you need fast clarity on whether this relationship can actually work.

Clear Red Flags

Lying about use is a red flag. Patterns of dishonesty about frequency, spending, or timing signal that your partner won't be honest with you about things that matter.

Trust doesn't recover quickly from repeated discovery.

Daily dependence that displaces couple time is a red flag. If smoking is non-negotiable every morning, before work, immediately after, and all evening, your partner has prioritized cannabis above couple time, shared activities, and your presence.

That's a lifestyle mismatch worth naming as such.

Refusing basic boundaries is a red flag. "I won't use only outside." "I won't answer questions about how much I spend." "I'm not changing anything." These statements tell you they won't compromise or respect your needs.

That's not about the weed; it's about compatibility and respect.

Green Lights: What Works

Proactive cooperation: Your partner suggests solutions before you ask. "I've been thinking—I'll use on the balcony so the smell stays out of the bedroom." That's someone thinking about your comfort.

Consistent follow-through: Boundaries don't just exist for the first week. Months later, they're still respected because the agreement matters to both of you.

Protected sober time without prompting: Your partner doesn't need reminding that Tuesday nights are weed-free. They show up ready to be present because they value that time with you.

Think of it this way: Compromise is "We agreed on two sober date nights weekly, and we honor that." Capitulation is "I'll try to be more present" followed by zero actual change, or "I'll cut back" that vanishes in two weeks.

The decision is simple: If your partner respects your boundaries and you trust their honesty, this works.

If they dismiss your needs or avoid being truthful, it doesn't matter how much they use—the relationship is incompatible because respect is absent.

Special Boundaries for Recovery and Triggers

If you're in recovery from substance use, or if cannabis is a trauma trigger, your boundary isn't just a preference—it's a necessity for your wellbeing.

No cannabis in your shared space is a firm boundary, not a negotiable one.

Your partner can use cannabis in their individual space or away from home, but recovery or trauma needs create a clear no-use zone where you live.

Clear language: "I'm in recovery. Cannabis in our shared space isn't negotiable. I need you to respect that boundary." Or: "Cannabis is a trigger for me. Use only happens away from me and our home."

These statements don't apologize or over-explain. They name what you need and why.

If your partner responds with pushback, defensiveness, or refusal, that's your red flag.

Someone who respects your recovery or your healing will prioritize that over cannabis convenience. If they won't, the relationship doesn't work—and that's clarity, not failure.

We're not recovery professionals. If recovery support matters to you, lean on professionals and support communities trained in this specific area. Your boundary is valid; your recovery comes first.

Making Mixed Relationships Work

Couples who successfully navigate cannabis use differences don't achieve perfection.

They achieve reduced friction and honest communication—which is exactly what healthy relationships look like anyway.

Real Setups That Work

Outdoor-only with sealed storage: Your partner uses only on the balcony or patio.

Cannabis is stored in sealed containers, organized and out of sight. Indoor spaces stay odor-free. The non-user isn't reminded constantly of the habit, and smell concerns vanish entirely.

Agreed-upon timing: Use happens after 9 PM on weeknights, so morning and early evening stay clear. Weekends have two completely weed-free mornings before 11 AM. This protects sober couple time without requiring anyone to quit.

Personal spending caps: Your partner has a monthly budget for cannabis, separate from joint finances. They own the decision to use that budget, and you're not funding a habit you didn't choose.

Weekly sober couple activity: Not as punishment. As intention. Sunday brunch. Wednesday night movies. Thursday walks. Whatever rhythm keeps you connected when both of you are present.

Success looks like: Two months into these agreements, you're not thinking about their use constantly. You've moved from exhaustion and resentment to basic acceptance.

Your partner has moved from defensiveness to genuine commitment because they see these boundaries protect your relationship, not threaten it.

The relationship actually improves because you've solved the underlying problems: "I feel disconnected" becomes "We have dedicated sober time."

"The smell bothers me" becomes "They use outside."

"I don't trust them" becomes "They've been honest and consistent for weeks."

If your partner wants discreet consumption options for travel or specific situations, gummies and other edibles let couples manage this practically.

Lower odor, precise amounts, and portable formats let partners use where it works for both of you—and Mood offers options that let couples make informed choices about quality and transparency.

Your Questions Answered

Can You Be in a Relationship With Someone Who Smokes Weed?

Yes. Relationships between users and non-users work when both partners agree on frequency, protect sober time together, and communicate honestly.

Many couples thrive this way.

If one partner refuses boundaries or hides their use, it fails—not because of the weed, but because respect and honesty are missing.

Is Daily Use Too Much?

Daily use becomes problematic when it displaces couple time, makes your partner unavailable during shared activities, or means you're never with a fully present version of them.

Some couples handle daily use fine when boundaries protect sober time.

Others find daily frequency itself is incompatible with their needs.

This is a you-and-your-partner conversation, not an objective fact.

What If They Hid It From Me?

Lying about use is a trust breach worth taking seriously. Separate the deception from the substance: "I'm hurt because you weren't honest.

The cannabis itself isn't the issue—your choice to hide it is."

Then decide: Does this person typically lie, or was this an isolated fear-based choice?

Can trust be rebuilt? Do you want to rebuild it? Honest answers let you make an informed decision.

Can I Ask For Sober Time Together?

Absolutely. "I need us to have protected time together when you're not high" is a completely reasonable request.

If your partner responds with resentment, defensiveness, or refusal, that tells you something important about their priorities. A partner who values connection will honor this boundary.

How Do I Bring This Up Without Sounding Controlling?

Lead with what you need, not what they should do: "I feel disconnected when we don't have sober time together.

Can we protect two evenings weekly where you're not high?"

This names your need without demanding they change.

If they resist a reasonable boundary, that's information. If they engage with you, you've started a real conversation.

What If Their Personality Changes When They're High?

Personality shifts are a compatibility data point. If they become withdrawn, paranoid, irritable, or distant in ways that make connection impossible, that's a presence issue.

Name it: "When you're high, I feel like you're not really here with me."

See how they respond. Can you adapt? Would they want to?

Is this acceptable to you long-term? These questions matter more than the cannabis itself.

Should I Set Spending Limits on Their Weed?

If you're not sharing finances, no—that's their money and their choice.

If you're sharing finances or joint savings, yes—you get input on discretionary spending that impacts shared goals.

The conversation is: "How much are we comfortable spending on cannabis given our other priorities?"

This is the same boundary you'd set for any discretionary habit.

What If I'm in Recovery?

Your boundary is non-negotiable. No cannabis in your shared space, period.

If your partner won't respect that, the relationship doesn't work. Your recovery matters more than their convenience.

Get support from professionals and recovery communities; they'll validate this boundary and help you enforce it.

Conclusion: Where You Go Next

You came here wondering if this relationship can work. The answer is: it depends on frequency, presence, and honesty.

If you're just starting to navigate this, pick one boundary to propose this week.

Not all of them—one.

Maybe it's two sober date nights.

Maybe it's outdoor use only. Maybe it's honest answers about frequency.

Get clear on what matters most to you, name it simply, and watch how your partner responds.

If you're already in this relationship and struggling, the same framework applies. You're not trying to change your partner or force them into sobriety.

You're establishing the conditions where you both feel respected: They get to use cannabis; you get presence and honesty in return.

That's not controlling. That's partnership.

The clarity you have now—about what actually matters in this decision—is your advantage.

Use it to choose confidently, whether that means staying and setting boundaries, or walking away and finding someone whose habits align naturally with your needs.

You deserve a relationship where you're someone's priority, not their inconvenience.

Use what you've learned here to build exactly that.

Ready to explore cannabis products?

If you and your partner have aligned on boundaries and are looking for discreet, quality options, Mood offers federally legal hemp-derived products that let couples manage consumption thoughtfully.

From gummies and edibles for travel to flower in various amounts, all Mood products come with third-party lab testing so you know exactly what you're getting.

Learn more about how to purchase cannabis online or explore the difference between hemp-derived and other products to make informed choices together.